Why Naruto characters shouldnt use the computer
by BlackButterfly-RedRose
Summary: WARNING; I DID NOT TRY. I WAS BORED IF YOU FLAME ME I WONT CARE BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY TRUE.A crackish story I thought up while brushing my teeth. No pairings. Just implied ItaSaku, ItaSasu, NaruIta, NaruSaku, and others. Hopefully its funny.
1. Chapter 1

**_Why Naruto characters shouldnt use the computer._**

**_Summery:A crackish story I thought up while brushing my teeth. . ItaSaku. Implied ItaSasu, NaruIta, NaruSaku, and others. Hopefully its funny._**

**_WARNING: I DID NOT TRY. I WAS BORED IF YOU FLAME ME I WONT CARE BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY TRUE._**

One day a 14 year old girl by the name of Butterfly-chan was pacing in her room. She was thinking of what to write next in her fanfic, The story of Haruno Sakura. Well, unluckily she had a writers block. She sighed and stared at her computer, which currently had a slide show as a screen saver, showing all the Naruto pictures she got off of Photobucket.

When suddenly, a giant rabbit hoped into her room!

"Hey, wanna buy some crack?" he asked gruffly.

Butterfly stared at him. "Crack is illegal."

"No, not the drug! Crack, as in crack pairings, crack stories??" he asked impatiently. His furry pink paws were folded across his chest, while his large blue eyes and permanent smile watching her. His large foot thumped impatiently.

"Yeah sure why not." The bunny, who he introduced as the crack bunny, dug into his pockets and took out a small bag with white powder. Butterfly took it, but stared at it.

"Hey I thou-" The crack bunny, scratch that, crack whore was gone. Butterfly sighed and looked at the baggie. Her parents weren't home, and neither was her brother...

So she stupidly took the bag and snorted it all. And succumbed to drug over dose, at least, she thought. She woke up a few days later in the forest.

"How the fucking hell did I get here?"

She walked around until she noticed a lap top hanging in a bag on a tree branch. She gasped in surprise. She had always wanted one of those! So she took it. She grinned all the way out of a forest. Then she saw Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Itachi.

"DUDE HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE??" She screamed. She almost fainted, but forced herself not to. The four shinobi looked at her with surprise, well, all except Itachi. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke didn't look like they were old enough to be in Shippuden, seeing as they wore their normal clothes in the first half. And Itachi looked a lot younger.

"Just who the hell are you?!" Naruto asked.

"Huh? Me? Uh... Butterfly-chan! Yeah, thats my name!! Hehe..." The four sweat dropped.

"No seriously, who are you." Sakura asked angrily.

"Butterfly-chan! I know I know, weird name, but at least I wasn't named after food and an animal." She grinned. Itachi looked rather annoyed, while Naruto's jaw dropped.

"RAMEN IS THE BEST! BELIEVE IT!"

"Your momma so fat even Naruto doesn't believe it." she said, laughing.

One thing was going through the ninja's mind. 'What the hell?'

"Okay okay, sorry."She said, holding her gut while wiping tears from her eyes.

"My name is er, Ayaka. And your Naruto Uzumaki, future Rukudaime and Ramen lover, Sasuke Uchiha, Avenger of the Uchiha clan, Sakura Haruno, Fan girl of Sasuke and future medic-nin, and Itachi Uchiha, killer of the Uchiha clan and Akatsuki member."

"How did you know that? Your not from around here." Sakura asked suspiciously.

"Look I know I'm weird, but that doesn't mean I'm a threat to any one. Hell, Konohamaru could probably defeat me." Ayaka, or Butterfly-chan said. She shrugged and walked a few feat closer to them, trying to not look at Itachi. He was major iCandy, but she didn't want to get killed any time soon.

"Besides I know more then that. Any way, you guys are 13, right?" The trio nodded.

"HA! I'm older then you! 14 bitches!" Ayaka said, making a face that looked a lot like this xD. **(xD)**

Ayaka glanced between the Gennin and the Akatsuki.

"Wait you guys weren't even supposed to meet yet... and where's Kisame?" Ayaka asked Itachi.

"Who's Kisame?" Naruto asked, easing up a bit.

"You know, big fish dude that carries around a sword that can eat chakra. It's called SameHada or something like that."

"How do you know all this?" Itachi asked her quietly.

"OMFG you talk. I was beginning to think you were mute, like your Lil' bro over there. Um, well, I read."

"Read what? The Bingo book?" Sasuke asked.

Ayaka snorted. "Please, you three are to weak to be in the Bingo book. And DON'T even think about going Kyuubi on me." Ayaka ordered, pointing a finger at Naruto.

"Ky..uubi?" Sakura whispered, glancing at Naruto. Naruto was glaring at Ayaka. Ayaka was certainly strange. Her hair was curly, which was unusual around these parts, and she had a black shirt and blue jeans. And, she was bare foot. She had a pouch strapped on that hung loosely at her side, and it could very well be holding weapons. It was a safe bet not to drop her guard.

"Look I don't know who the hell you think you are-" He was interrupted by Ayaka.

"Ayaka, age 14, writer and artist, I love rock and roll, pop and some rap, and I absolutely LOVE Anime and fanfiction."

"Anime? Fanfiction? Those things don't exist." Sasuke told her, glaring at his brother.

"Oh on the contrary." Ayaka grabbed her pouch, and suddenly every one was in defense position. She ignored it and took out her laptop. She opened it up, typed in a password, and logged onto the Internet. How the fuck was there Internet, you may be asking. Well I'm the author I can make it that way. xD.

"There. Fanfiction dot net." she said happily. She clicked on a link that said Anime/Manga, clicked on Naruto's name, and 4,345 pages showed up. The tro sat next to her on her right, while Itachi was on her left. She honestly was wondering why he hadn't killed her yet.

"They have fanfiction for just about everything. My favorite is the show called Naruto, but I mostly I read the manga now at OneManga dot com. They have all kinds of pairings too. Name two people." She told Naruto.

"Kakashi-sensei... and Sakura-chan." He grinned. Ayaka giggled, a blush creeping over her face.

"Wait, is that good or bad." Sakura asked.

Ayaka shrugged. "Depends on who you ask. Some people hate it, but some people, including myself, love it. I've always liked the Older guy and younger girl thing."

"Wait... you don't mean..." Ayaka doubled click on something.

"Lemon... Lemon... Lemon... God so much lemon..."

"Whats lemon?" Sasuke asked. Ayaka raised an eyebrow at him.

"How do you plan on reviving the clan if you don't know what lemon is?"

"A fruit?" Naruto suggested.

Ayaka sighed. "Okay, when a man and woman love each other very much, they get together-"

"OMG NO NO NO NO!!" The gennin screamed. Itachi 'Hn'ed as usual.

"Wait a second, Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked. Ayaka nodded. Naruto's eyes widened and he jumped up from his spot. "I'LL KILL THE PERVERT!!"

Sakura grabbed his jumpsuit to stop him. "Didn't you hear her? FanFiction! FICTION! Meaning its not true!! But why would people write that??" Sakura asked Ayaka.

Ayaka shrugged. "Not all of it's lemon you know. Some of it is just lime and suggested lemon."

"Lime?"

"Making out, kissing, whatever. Anything that's not a home run. Now, they have sicker stuff then that. The have NaruSasu, aka Naruto and Sasuke. Remember when someone pushed you two together? And you guys shared your first kiss?"

"How'd you know about that?!" Naruto and Sasuke demanded.

"I read. Any way, there is worst then that. Something I think would make you puke Sasuke. But I don't think Itachi would care... well I guess he would..."

"What is it?" Itachi asked her.

"Uchihacest." Itachi raised an eyebrow at her. She knew that was about all the reaction she was going to get. Sasuke on the other hand...

"Whats that?"

"OMG. ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT??" Ayaka screamed.

"...no..."

Ayaka sighed. "Look, picture Neji and Hinata together, making out."

Team 7 winced.

"Now picture Itachi and Sasuke doing the same thing."

Naruto puked.

Sakura got a nose bleed.

Sasuke was horrified.

"WTF?? ME AND HIM?? HE'S MY BROTHER!! AND HE KILLED MY CLAN!!" Sasuke yelled at her angrily.

"Oh quit being such a baby. I know some one on here who puts Itachi and NEJI together. That has got to be the weirdest Yoai I have ever read."

Again, Sakura got a nose bleed.

"Jeeze, I didn't know you were such a pervert Sakura." Ayaka commented.

"YOUR THE ONE WHO READS IT!!" Sakura defended.

"I read a lot of stuff. You know the practically pair you up with EVERY guy in Naruto? Including Itachi?"

Sakura's eyes widened.

"Yup. Personally that's my favorite, but so is PeinSaku, DeiSaku, KisaSaku, SasoSaku, who you kill.. um... KakaSaku...SuiSaku You wont meet him until later. ... SaiSaku You dont know him yet...ShisuiSaku is okay, but he's dead... I used to read SasuSaku, and it used to be my favorite pairing ever, until Sasuke pissed me off..."

Sakura had fainted.

"There is also ItaNaru... You already know ItaSasu, ItaKisa, ItaKaka..."

Sakura was getting a nose bleed.

"Pervert." Ayaka muttered.

"All there is is lemon?" Naruto asked. Ayaka shook her head. "No, there is action. Like one I wrote called prayer. Originally it was going to be ItaSaku, where Itachi and Sasuke had fought and they both died, and Sakura was crying. But instead I turned it into NaruSasu friendship/action, Sakura was still crying."

Sakura looked annoyed.

"ItaSaku? What is with you?!"

"Hey, I am a proud Itachi fan girl and I think you would be best for him for reasons I cannot answer." Ayaka stated, her hand on her heart and her eyes closed.

Itachi was on the other side of the field now.

"Hey! I'm not the kind of fan girl that goes "OMG ITACHI-KUN! MARRY ME!!" I'm more of the "Itachi is way better then Sasuke and way hotter then him." fan girl." Ayaka stated. He was a bit relieved and walked back over.

Naruto was looking at her laptop, scrolling down with the mouse at all the stories.

"42 pages of ItaSaku." He told Sakura. Ayaka nodded.

"That's only the K-T. The have 5 M rated, most of 'em have lemon."

"You read that too?!

Ayaka nodded. "But mostly from Paws Bells. OMG. Her stories are the BEST! There is one called Icha Icha Paradise after the book, its A.U. where Itachi doesn't kill the clan but Sasuke's still an ass. Heart strings, Curtain Call the final act... Curtain call was the best! You two had twins together called Kuryhou or however its said, and Kusubana, named after you two, and Sasuke kills Itachi and Sakura gets depressed, the Akatsuki is destroyed, Itachi is still alive and returns with Kisame, and you guys live happily ever after! Oh, and Sasuke gets drunk and says he knows Itachi is still alive, but says he's going to give up, and Naruto becomes Hokage. OH! And in the epilogue Sakura gets pregnant again."

Every one stared at her as she babbled on and on about the story. Sasuke was staring with disbelief, Sakura was embarrassed, Naruto was happy he became Hokage, and Itachi was amused.

"How many lemon chapters in that one?"

"One or two."

Ayaka, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura watched in silence as Itachi walked over to Sakura. She blushed as he pulled her up, leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

When they were done kissing, they stared at Ayaka who had watched with her jaw dropped.

...

"HELL YEAH!!"


	2. Sasuke learns about sex xD

**_Okay I was reading this over again when I got an idea._**

**_Sasuke was 7 years old when his parents died right? And Itachi left. SO no one was there to help him out and tell him things, and he certainly wouldnt ask. SO I came along to help him out! WELL I just took a part from the other chapter. SO here we go!_**

**_YThe birds and the bees, Sasuke learns about sex._**

-

-

-

--

-

-

-

_**You know what it involves you dont like you dont read, but I think its funny.**_

-

-

-

-

-

-

"Lemon... Lemon... Lemon... God so much lemon..."

"Whats lemon?" Sasuke asked. Ayaka raised an eyebrow at him.

"How do you plan on reviving the clan if you don't know what lemon is?"

"A fruit?" Naruto suggested.

Ayaka sighed. "Okay, when a man and woman love each other very much, they get together-"

"OMG NO NO NO NO!!" Sakura and Naruto (who had learned it from Iruka-sensei) screamed out, covering their ears.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at them. Ayaka stared at him in disbelief.

"You have no idea where that was going, do you."

Sasuke shook his head.

"OMFG. NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU?!"

Sasuke, once again, shook his head.

"Itachi?"

"Hn?"

"WHAT KIND OF BROTHER ARE YOU?? AFTER KILLING THE CLAN ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY-"

"I am NOT telling him that."

"How did you find out?"

"...Kisame..."

"He didn't...?"

"NO."

Ayaka giggled.

"Naruto? Sakura? Could you go get your sensei for me?" Ayaka asked.

"Why?" Naruto didn't understand.

"Because I have a feeling he's going to need a lot of visual help with his. Sasuke's a dumb ass as it is."

"HEY!" Sasuke yelled out. Ayaka bopped him in the head.

"Shut up. If you haven't figured this out by now, you are SO not a genius." Sasuke rubbed the bump, sulking.

Ayaka typed in something. She clicked a lot. Itachi was leaning over her shoulder.

"Sasuke and Hanabi?" he asked. She didn't get to explain because Naruto and Sakura showed up with Kakashi in tow.

"Why is Uchiha here? With Sasuke... and Naruto..?" Kakashi asked Sakura.

"Relax sensei. Ayaka-san needs help with something."

Ayaka glanced at Sakura, who was trying so hard NOT to look at Kakashi. She walked over to Itachi and sat on his lap. Ayaka was inwardly grinning and screaming like the ItaSaku fangirl she was.

"Okay! Kakashi-san, I'm going to need your help with something if Sasuke doesn't get this."

"That would be...?" Kakashi didn't even look at her. He was glaring at Itachi. Who boredly stared back.

"Oh you'll see."

"Wait.. your not going to tell him are you?" Sakura asked. Ayaka nodded.

Sakura ran over to the other side of the field, where Naruto was.

"OKAY GO AHEAD!" The two yelled.

Ayaka rolled her eyes.

"ALL RIGHT then. I'm pretty sure Kakashi and Itachi, being the frigging pretty boys they are, have experience with this, so you can just ask them. BUT. Had your bro not been so damn mute and Kakashi busy reading a cheap version of Play Boy, here I go."

Kakashi raised his eye brow. Itachi looked amused.

"When a man and a woman either one, love each other very much, two, are drunk as fucking hell, three, the man needs to revleave his urges and a woman is paid, a man sticks his erected cock into the pussy and there ya go."

Kakashi's jaw litterally dropped and Itachi choked on water.

"I dont get it."

Ayaka stared at him, trying not to laugh, Oh how she was TRYING not to laugh.

"Read the blue." Ayaka handed him her laptop. A blush was creeping over his cheeks, but he should his head. Ayaka sighed.

"Kakashi-san, may I see your book."

"...why..."

"BECAUSE SASUKE-BAKA NEEDS HELP!"

Reluctently Kakashi handed it over. Ayaka flipped through the pages, undisturbed by all the 'porn', until finally, she found a good picture. She handed it over to Sasuke.

"OMFG." the ever so blushing Sasuke said.

"How do you think you were made, and how your going to revive the clan?"

Sasuke stared at her wide eyed.

"...ew..."

-

-

-

-

-

-

**_Yeah, me and my fucked up mind made this up xD. I havent seen ANYTHING like this AT ALL ANYWHERE. :P_**

**_Like? No like?_**

**_Criticism? Flame?_**

**_Got any ideas you want to write, but cant find the time?_**

**_Or how about a challenge?_**

**_ALL IS WELCOME! _**

**_JUST PRESS THE PRETTY LITTLE BUTTON and review!_**

**_Pwease?_**


	3. Chapter 3

Ayaka was bored. Very bored. She was sitting at her grandparents house, listening to old people babble on and on about meaningless football. So, she sighed, walked upstairs, and hopped through the bunny hole and came out on the other end. Konoha.

"AYAKA-CHAN!!"

Damn. Naruto recognised her. Damnit! She didn't even have her laptop. Life sucks. At least she had her back pack full of Naruto chibis!! But I suppose only a crazy fanfiction/Naruto addict would type up something as crazy as this. Damnit she just burned herself.

"Hi Naruto." she smiled. She was embraced in a warm hug from the gigantic teenager. He was what, 15 now?

"Man, you suck. Your older AND taller. And I'm still 14!!" Ayaka complained.

Naruto laughed. "Sucks for you! Come on Ayaka-chan, I want you to visit Sakura-chan with me!" Naruto grabbed the poor girl by the wrist and dragged her all the way to the fricken hospital. She could have walked!

"Is she still with-"

"Ichigo? Yeah. She visits his home in the forest occasionally."

"And Tsunade-"

"Doesn't like it one bit. Man, you should see them together! Sakura really does love him, and I seriously doubt Ichigo would leave her any time soon."

"What about you and the-"

"Kyuubi? Ichigo said he'll stall as long as he could, but only for Sakura."

"What about-"

"Sasuke? He-"

"DAMNIT WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH MY FUCKING SCENTENCES?! I MEAN GOD DAMN!! I TRY TO FUCKING TALK BUT ALL YOU FUCKING DO IS INTURRUPT ME!! SHUT THE FUCK UP ONCE IN A WHILE YOU STUPID FOX BOY!!" Ayaka exploaded. The whole entire TOWN shut up after that. Not even the birds chirped. Naruto backed off slowly. Ayaka could easily control her chakra, and man, she hit hard with her fist! Just like Sakura!!

"Uh... you okay..?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah Im fine, why do you ask??"

-silence-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-silence-

-

-

-

-

-

-silence-

"No reason."

"Kay!" Finally they reached the hospital. Sakura was waiting outside with a smile on her face.

"I knew I heard you. How've ya been?"

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Except you guys are older AND taller than me, WHICH SUCKS LIKE EFFIN HELL!! I hate being short."

"Aw, your not short Ayaka-chan! Your just fun-sized." Naruto exclaimed. Ayaka laughed.

"You read my mind. Now who wants ramen? Sakura's treat!"

"I'll race you!"

"You KNOW I'll lose. I hate running."

"That's the point."

"Fine."

"READYSETGO!!"

And Naruto left her behind in the dust. Ayaka sighed and walked slowly beside Sakura.

"So how are you and Ichigo?"

"We're fine."

"Have you-"

"No! Gosh your such a pevert."

Ayaka grinned. "Yuppers Yuppers! But I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo like Yoai better. Yeah boy!!"

Sakura sighed.

"Is Sasuke still gone?"

"Yeah. Do you know when he will come back."

Ayaka shrugged. "He won't. Not until he finds the truth behind the massacre, and he will only come back to kill the Elders."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Why would he want to do that?"

"Um, I kinda said too much already, and I can't really tell you unless Itchy-kun says I can. You don't mind me calling him that do you?? I just say it to annoy him."

"Suuuuuuuure why wouldn't I want you to call my boyfriend that?"

"Okay I wont." Ayaka was very dissapointed. But oh well.

They found Naruto by a stack of dishes. It was his thirttieth bowl of ramen. Ayaka laughed as Sakura sweatdropped.

"I feel bad for you man! Well, I gots to go. Say Hi to Ichigo for me! Im gunna... explore."b And with that, Ayaka ran off. She ran as fast as she could (which was that fast, even with her newfound chakra) until she reached a gigantic mansion in the middle of grass country.

"Who the hell are you, yeah?"

Ayaka turned around to find the blond gay artist of the Akatsuki, Deidara. Okay maybe he wasn't gay, but he needed to do something about his hair.

"Deidara?! OMG ITS GAYDARA!!"

"I AM NOT GAY YEAH!!"

"Deidara-sempai! Who are you yelling at?!" The masked Akatsuki member came up behind the blondie.

"OMG TOBI!! I HAVE CHIBI'S OF YOU GUYS!!" Ayaka unzipped her backpack and pulled out two ADORABLE chibi's that looked exactly like Deidara and Tobi.

"And I have one of Pein and Konan and Itachi and Madara and Hidan and Kakuzu and Orocigaywad... I LOVE CHIBIS!!"

"Who the hell is Madara, yeah, and WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??"

"My name is Ayaka, Im a writer and an artist, I live Anime and Fanfiction, Akatsuki are my favourite group of criminals since most of them are incredibably smexy, and DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON DE LEMON LESSON!"

"Who's Madara, un."

"Really really really really really really really really really really really really really old Uchiha who is supposed to be dead but isn't!!"

Dead. Silence.

"Okay! Tobi, time to get away from the crazy person."

"Ayaka." A smooth voice announced.

"OMG ITCHY-CHAN!! HIIIIIIIIIIIII!! LOOK ITACHI-CHAN! I HAVE AN ADORABLE CHIBI OF YOU! NOW I CAN HOLD IT AND CUDDLE IT AND SNUGGLE IT WITHOUT YOU AND OR SA-"

"Shut. Up."

"You know her?" Deidara asked. Itachi nodded.

"Unfortunatley."

"HEY THATS MEAN!!"

Itachi stared at her as if saying, 'And I care why?'. And that was worse.

"Humph. Can I hang out with you guys today? Im uber uber bored."

"No, you can't, because Leader would kill us."

"You all know he isn't the real leader anyway! Why would he give a shit."

"Ayaka?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeees Itchy-chan?"

"Shut up."

_OMG I HAVE AN IFFY PLOT AND IM UBER UBER BORED AND I REALLY HATE CAPS LOCK!!_

_The forecast for Florida is: RAIN RAIN AND MORE FRIGGEN RAIN! Oh, sprinkle in some wind and a couple Tornadoes, and we're good. GOD I HATE YOU FAY!!_


End file.
